Picture this:
Some chick and some dude meet…it’s all very touching and sentimental…their endorphins, hormones and all the other required chemicals start releasing in record amounts, interacting and causing crazy emotions and physical feelings within each victim…..blah, blah, blah…who gives a fuck about the details; you’ve heard this story a million times and probably even experienced it a few times in your life….everyone LOVES a love story…but we like to hear the less scientific one (not that I have any such expertise, of course.) We like to hear about the romance, the incredible connection, the conflict, the spiritual enlightenment, and all the other commonly noted side-effects to this thing we call “falling in love”…and it’s all well and good and usually with the best of intentions.
So here’s my beef with love stories…you know the ones where one person threatens their life, or swears they can’t go on, or harms themselves over the loss of the other…? Can someone explain the intrigue and utter acceptance of such a behavior!?
Example…boy falls in love with girl, girl falls in love with boy. Then, after a few scenes, girl falls out of love with boy. Next scene, boy feels her drifting. So what does he do? Threatens suicide…then suddenly, he wins girl, and they live happily ever after…? What the fuck?
If some dude I was dating weighted his quality of life based on my presence, I would feel the overwhelming urge to either punch him in the face, based on principal alone, encourage his demise, as he obviously doesn’t value life anyway, or perhaps I would pity him and buy him a lizard…or find a dog at the pound…to keep him company until he pulled his head out of his ass.
I had a friend once; her boyfriend stabbed himself in the leg when she dumped him in her mom’s kitchen. He bled all over the place and the paramedics came. She was crying, he was crying and it ended in happy reunion. Needless to say I failed to empathize with his femoral artery nearly being severed, and that quickly severed my friendship…but I don’t feel that I’m cold or insensitive…in fact, far from it!! However, if your behavior and thought process is consistently performing under your mental capacity, I have no intention on coddling your stupid cries for attention. The fact that people do allow and enable the 6 year old temper tantrum in a grown adult with a butcher knife makes them just as guilty and stupid as the asshole manipulating them with suicide. DO IT, PUSSY.
Another annoying love story scenario involves the "odd couple"...two people, nothing alike and you would NEVER expect them to fall in love. But, they do, and it's fabulous and tear jerking and alludes to the beautiful theory that true love really DOES exist and that love is blind...
In the movies, it's the Dharma and Greg story...oblivious hippie chick and uptight attorney, but they somehow make it work. Or, the CEO of a large company and a hotel maid find love in the utility closet and shortly thereafter, find TRUE love at the alter.
Really....I never question the logic in a love story, because once I start that pattern, it's a train wreck, and the DVD is soon to fly out my balcony.
But the tragedy behind this scenario is, fact really is stranger than fiction... How many cases of hot school teachers hooking up with teenage boys have you heard over the past decade? And what about the incredibly intelligent, wealthy scientist with a supermodel wife that never learned to spell her name because she was simply too beautiful to lift a pencil and apply her intellectual side? Or...what about my mother and step father; my mom, being an anti-social, domesticated girly-girl, who likes to crochet and do crosswords, while my step dad is a Marine until the day he dies; fearless, extroverted, would rather have a beer than a meal...how those two have made it 18 years, I will never know! That they have yet to completely maul each other like a couple alley cats is, in fact, somewhat inspiring...but fairytale? Naaaaah.
I suppose this rant makes me sound somewhat insensitive or bitter toward the concept of love...the truth is, I totally am! But not for obvious reasons. I have never suffered from terrible heartbreak, but I presume that even if I did, my resolution would not be self-inflicted harm...I am bitter toward the over-commercialization of love and the emphasis on people's dependency toward the "other half" Why can't you be your own "other half!?!" I mean, seriously...the only thing I can think of that a shallow, empty relationship can fulfill that you personally can't fulfill for yourself is sex with someone OTHER than yourself...
After spending the last 2 years of my life single, and barely dating, I've acquired this personal theory that everyone should experience the single life, and everyone should live in solitaire...at least for a few months of their lives...get to know yourself. Don't depend on another half-person to fill your void! This is all empty words and useless lecturing from a 24 year old chick and holds no credentials whatsoever...but put the disclaimer aside and observe all the fucked up relationships in your life...of all the people you know that are in some form of a committed relationship, how many of them are really useful versus totally inconvenient?
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