When is it Enough?

Another Myspace Transfer...

Watching someone you love self-destruct and doing nothing makes you selfish.

Watching someone you love self-destruct and forever giving into their mindless indulgence is enabling.

Watching someone you love self-destruct, and showing them the way back, but then letting them do it themselves is a true friend.

And if you never see that person again, you know that it was never meant to be.

If love is costing you your sanity, then how can you know it's love?

When your love for another person is the main cause for the pain that bleeds your heart, you must choose between your own health and their temporary contentment.

Somehow between being raised by a strong, southern woman, a Marine for a father and having Irish written into the serial codes of my bones, I've learned to take pride and forever improve upon my personal strength. One of my best defense mechanisms is that I learned to become a radar detector, sensing when to give up on those whom I love, and managing the pain without letting it consume me. Watching a loved one self-destruct is one of the most painful things anyone will ever go through. If you're lucky, eventually they'll snap out of it before too much damage has been done. But luck doesn't always prevail in matters of personal choice. Once I had a friend, a soulmate. She was beautiful in every way. Her intellect was one of a kind. Evidence of her kind soul seeped out of her breath-taking Italian eyes. Musical talent was one of many charms she was blessed with. I was in awe of her. And I still am, in some ways in awe of who she was. But that person is gone, and I have moved on. My ex, Bret, has asked me, as he was there to witness it, how could I make such a clean break? I left because I had to. She dragged me through the mud. She came to my house, strung out, asking for a place to stay, a shower, a toothbrush, food...my poor ass forked it over, not even thinking about the lack of food I myself was suffering from. I always hoped that eventually, she would snap out of it...clean up, ditch the abusive, racist asshole that showed his affection by hating her and possessing her. I thought she would use that potential that I admired and do something. But she never did. She just sunk further and further into her sister's path of hate. Hate for herself and hate for everyone around her that wasn't one of them. Eventually, after years of hurt and pain, watching her body fluctuate, her skin go pale, her eyes sink into her skull and her personality deteriorate, I realized, I couldn't help her. She didn't want to help herself. She was happy where she was, and that was that. I wasn't going to change her, I couldn't help her, and I would never stop her. I weighed the good and bad and realized that she wasn't worth the pain. Any time I was around her I hurt. And any time she WASN'T around me, she was hurting...so I cut the ties. Clean break. Stopped answering her calls, stopped caring. How much help are you willing to give to someone who can't and won't help themselves? I'm facing the dilemma again...a cute, charming guy...my little brother in law. I love him. But I can honestly say that I don't care anymore. He's hurt me too many times. He's caused too many restless nights, too much anxiety, too much pain, too much anger, too much money. And most people agree...but to those who don't, those HOPELESS ROMANTICS that think that everyone can change with enough love and patience and TLC...I'm telling you...some people are just a lost cause! Some people, no matter WHAT you do, you're only turning yourself into a bigger sucker...and if that hurts, then you KNOW what you have to do. Stop procrastinating and do it. The sooner you do, the less it hurts. Is it worth your sanity, your health, your OWN relationships to be lead on by false promises? I've decided again, that it's not.