Everything makes sense to me, but yet it's like a hurricane in my head.
The storm was so subtle but played up so well and I bought into the hype with my rushing thoughts.
I attempted to over prepare for something I knew nothing about.
So here I am, facing thoughts that are ugly and cruel to my ego...
making empty conversation with people that are far from empty
counter-productive because boredom is my enemy
but yet I'm too lazy to find another way
so many things could have happened; so much more of what I love
but instead here I am being annoyed, and I really have no excuse.
I don't feel like I ask a whole lot of my life; I like to be surrounded by friends having fun when I play
and I like to be elbow deep in challenging, demanding tasks when I work...
why is it never enough....or is this a legitimate concern?
Once my mind comes to terms with the confusion and the weird, painful truths that reality smacks me with every day,
I don't want to think about the journey anymore...
instead of remembering details, the whole memory gets repressed after the issue is resolved. And when I face it again, it fucks me up for days at a time.
I also figured out why I'm such a terrible writer now days.......I'm too scared to be honest with myself.
Alright, telephone tough girl. Someday you'll stop acting like a grown up and actually become one.
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