Desiderata

:::Desiderata:::

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.


If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.


Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.


Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.


Strive to be happy

Cinderella the Mercenary

This is the story of modern-day Cinderella; a tribute to all the female sailors in A school trying to survive the culture shock...

Once upon a time, there was a cute, bubbly and fairly intelligent girl; we'll call her Cinderella, from a generic city in the United States. She was mommy and daddy's little princess but she had hopes and dreams of being much more. So one day, she swallowed her fear, let the Department of Defense poke her with needles and test her urine and assess her intelligence to determine if she was qualified to become a sailor for the United States Navy....

Upon physical and intellectual approval, she was sent to a camp, where she learned, along with hundreds of other princes and princesses (some with a little more complex than others) how to shine boots, fold clothes, march, and manage time. The 2 month camp was an attempt to transform the royal civillians into self-disciplined mercenaries.

Cinderella made it through the camp with less hassle than she had expected, and realized that she was a little stronger, and a little more capable than she had been previously aware.

Following the ceremony to celebrate their achievements, the newly transformed princes and princesses were dispersed to their appropriate schools, for training in the fields granted to them according to the needs of the Navy.

Cinderella had long ago lost her princess complex. She knew she was no longer a spoiled girl with a golden spoon; she had elected to lose that title long ago. She was prepared for the future.

The future was quite astonishingly different from what she had expected, though. Cinderella put on her uniform, learned her trade and followed the rules. She cleaned and cleaned and learned and learned and adhered to the strict curfew.

She, among the other members of her battalion, had been warned several times a day, every day, of the potential consequences of missing curfew...

And she hadn't worked this hard to become a pumpkin. So she knew the rules must apply; despite the lack of logic that may exist from time to time....

Cinderella worked and worked and cleaned and cleaned and learned and learned and showed up on time. She shined her boots and ironed her blouse and polished her collar devices. She studied on the weekends, stood watch in the middle of the night, learned to be louder than ever before and sing cadence louder than the callers. She strived for excellence because that's what chief expected of her. None of it was with reward, other than the simple feeling of self-gratification; accomplishment, success.

Cleaning and learning and looking proper and acting proper and making the right decisions did not come without a price. For, not everyone shared her philosophy. Most of the mercenaries strived for excellence, but there were a few un-transformed princes and princesses that were starting to stench of rotten pumpkin. In an attempt to keep the pandemic from spreading, the chief decided to make school and home rules more strict. He didn't want the rotten ones to spread their disease.

The strict expectations set upon Cinderella and the rest of her battalion in an attempt to protect them from the spreading disease, grew them tired and weary. No reward or recognition were manageable characteristics of their new lives as mercenaries. But having no chance to escape the curse set upon them from the rotting pumpkins was something to cause morale loss. The sailors were starting to stench of another disease all together; resentment.

The sailors needed a chance to escape the reality and the lack thereof in their new and overbearing lives. They tried many different ways to find temporary escape.

Cinderella, from recommendation of her roommate, was set up on a date with Prince Charming. She was weary of the set up. Her hair was short, she was tired and stressed and it was not a good time to meet the prince. But then she discovered that the prince was also a mercenary. And he had escaped the tightly bound rules of A school long ago.

So just for one night....the two mercenaries could be a prince and a princess again. She agreed to the arrangement, and hoped that he was as charming as his name.

She was so nervous to escape the tight binds of her new life for fear of becoming a pumpkin. But she knew if she didn't escape, she would rot of resentment and loss of morale. Cinderella and a fellow shipmate drank beer at the mercenary's bowling alley until Prince Charming arrived in his coach (Dodge Ram).

Through time, Cinderella and Prince Charming met more often on days when cleaning was light and learning was over. They had a chance to get out of their uniforms and into their prince and princess outfits; the ones they knew and loved. They would walk through the park, drink coffee and talk, sip sake and contemplate peace. They shared every moment together until the hour rolled around for Cinderella to return to the barracks, to avoid the pumpkin curse. They kept this trend going, for the sake of both of them. Cinderella knew they were lonely together. But being lonely together was far better than being lonely alone. They knew it could only last as long as she was within the compounds of her mercenary training center. Soon enough, they'd both move on, as mercenaries do.

Cinderella still cleans and learns and marches and sings and folds and obeys the rule of the land. But between Prince Charming and her fellow shipmates, she does so while still remembering...

The Princess still exists. And she will always be a princess; but she will always be a sailor first.

The promise of relief is the primary incentive for Cinderella to wax the floors, shine the boots and learn her special trade.

The moral of the story: You can take the prince and princesses out of their promise land.

You can turn a prince and a princess into loyal servants.

But the prince and princess can never lose sight of who they really are; or your loyal servants will become complacent, depressed, and lack the morale to serve properly....

Or even worse, they can become pumpkins.

Hooyah, Navy.

Tonight, I'm sitting in the lounge on my base, fucking around on Facebook and Youtube and keeping a close eye on the time, as I have to muster in an hour for duty/watch. I'm wearing my uniform (on duty, you wear the blue cami's or digi's) and combat boots. My cover is patiently awaiting my return to the freezing cold.
This is all well and good and I'm a happy new sailor. Except for the fact that it's Friday night, and all the friends I just made are at a toga party in Norfolk that I can't go to; I haven't earned the liberty to stay out past ten, leave base out of uniform or drink alcohol. All of those things change in 2 weeks....but in the meantime, I have to learn to stay home when everyone else is partying. This is a new concept to me.
I'm still learning to let go of my past and say hello to the present and future. It's strange trying to figure out exactly what that entails. Obviously, some things from my life pre-military will always be around; some good friends, my family...but a lot of things are gone for good....
It's all improvement. This life certainly isn't for everyone, and it's ironic that it works for me, as a stubbornly independent person...but maybe that's why I waited until 25 to do it.
I have so much to say but so little time. Once my laptop arrives from Utah I shall elaborate far past this synopsis. In the meantime, my watch is rapidly approaching. And I need a Dr. Pepper.....

.....

Between school, duty and trying to escape base on the weekend, I have little time to contribute much to my online scrapbook, but I'm going to make a desperate attempt to chip away at it; slowly but surely, as the week's go by....either for myself or whomever may stumble upon this page.

Today was Saturday, the last Saturday I will have in uniform, unless my duty section day falls on it. Last night I went to the mall AGAIN- I HATED the mall before I joined the Navy. It's expensive and I have never had luck with clothes. I usually only enjoy the food court, which is still the case. I have to start my whole wardrobe all over...Doing this is easier said than done. I don't like clothes. I am a scrounge. I want to lie around in yoga pants, go out in jeans and flip-flops and I make no attempt to match...Now that I'm a big girl, and I have Navy values to uphold, it might be a good idea to acquire a wardrobe that looks sophisticated and classy; being that flip-flops and tank tops are prohibited. I walk around the mall aimlessly with a buddy and a Starbucks and continue to find NOTHING because I'm a cheap bastard and Gap sucks.

Also, I just blew $800 to go home for New Years and see my family, friends, dog and get another tattoo...so money's tight, despite the lack of rent payment. I'm excited to go home and I don't feel like anything has changed; I've lived away from Utah for many years so my friends and family have always been available at my appearance; nothing more, nothing less. I wish I could go home to AZ and see all my drunk college friends...I would love to pick up where I left off on Mill Ave with the boys, or cycling down the canal, or live metal shows. But, I realized that I'm getting old and my priorities are shifting; if I have to CHOOSE between partying with friends in Arizona for 4 days or seeing my family, I will always choose my family....awww, I'm growing up.

I start training on Monday which is bittersweet, but mostly sweet. I like to lear, despite the long hours. I'm looking forward to having a "purpose"...I'm not sure why that's always been so important to me, but it only gets worse as I get older. Tomorrow is designated for laundry and phone calls; gotta catch up with my mom, dad, step-dad, sister, cousin and a couple friends. Brace yourself, phone battery.

On Thursday, I'm car pooling with a friend from base to Maryland, then we're going separate ways. I'm spending Thanksgiving weekend with my aunt and uncle...I'm stoked to have family so close to base.

So here's a pic of me on the smoke deck, in my digis....

They chopped my hair...I miss it terribly. I'm impatiently waiting for it to grow back.

I'm a square and I don't care.

Yeah, that's right...

I don't care............Every day of my life I observe and learn and discover and every day I analyze every single thing that stays in my conscious memory. Whether or not I am correct about my observations, hypothesis, accusations, conclusions or assumptions is to be determined, or never to be determined; depending on if the subject has an absolute answer. Some things are far too complex for any absolute answer.

With that being said....the following is my latest sociological observation that's been irritating the nails right off my fingers:

Categories.

I know the human mind is wired to categorize; it's a process that utilizes multiple areas of the brain in order to determine what an item or situation is, based on certain aspects, especially aspects derived from sensory. I have not looked into this phenomenon but I can assume it is related to original survival instincts of primitive human, because the ability to categorize items based on danger, sustenance, shelter, etc., was important to carry on the human race...and like always, humans are their own worst enemy. Our minds, wired for a time we've evolved out of, have less important things to focus on, but the ability remains.

I like to think of myself as a dichotomy but really, 'di' is an understatement....

My political views are best described as social libertarian/fiscal conservative...

I support gay rights and the Second Amendment. Just to name a couple.

I like heavy metal, emo, screamo, country, rap, hip hop, bluegrass, banjo music, top 40 and acoustic folk.

I wear tank tops that I've had since 10th grade, shoes I bought from the Vietnamese thrift store 6 years ago, and I carry a purse that's totally falling apart.

My car sucks, my phone is nothing special.

I have one tattoo and I got it because it meant a lot to me.

I had one piercing that I grew out of.

I like raw sushi with extra wasabi sauce. I like almond crusted tilapia with raspberry sauce, escargot, salmon roe, crem brule and anything with balsamic vinegar. I also like 69 cent tacos from Jack in the Box, Top Ramen and once in a while, I open a can of tuna and eat it with my fingers.

I can wash it all down with a $75 bottle of Riesling, an $8 local micro-brew or a Keystone Light, half percent in a can....warm.

I'm not without my opinions and preferences. But what it comes down to is, if it's good to me, I like it. And that's just how it works.

I've noticed an interesting trend in friends....

It seems that a lot of people my age are either terrified to step out of their bubble and try something new, so they stick with the old tried and true; and criticize everyone else for being "fancy" or "yuppie" ...you mention raw fish and they dry heave.

And then there are those who are ALL ABOUT the non-mainstream. Anything unknown or undiscovered; like they're in their own secret little club that NO ONE is invited to without VIP permission.

The ladder annoys me much more than the former.

I'm a firm believer that if you like something, discover something new, or have a concept that could better society, versus destruct it, you should share it. How arrogant and petty are people...really...that they feel the need to exclude others from their ideals, music, food, styles...You're not Confucius! You just stumbled upon something and you want to hold onto it like Smigel wanted the ring...

....and the idea does the same thing to artists and ideas that it does to him; it withers away the concept and the beauty as people close in and act like the idea is precious. Stupid. I remember being called a "poser" when I was in junior high because I liked Sublime and I was learning how to skateboard. I thought we'd grown out of that mentality, but apparently not.

Anytime I learn something new or discover a new band or a new dish or a new style, I'm eager to share it with anyone I think would appreciate it and see what they think. Sharing knowledge is a community-oriented concept. Unfortunately most of the knowledge I obtain is about politics or current affairs since that's what intrigues me, so I rely on a VERY select few people that are more into modern scenes to share their knowledge with me...and it's greatly appreciated.

Sometimes mainstream concepts are practical for me and sometimes they're not at all. There's a time and a place for everything. I'm not going to walk into my friend's garage with naked chick posters all over the walls and crack open a bottle of fine French wine. I will, however, bring some chips, dip, and Bud Light bottles....but being a closed-minded asshole would make me look like a chump if I took that same concept to a cheese and wine party........

I like being the median between the people in the bubble and the people in the scene. I do not accurately fit into either category so I find myself as one of the select few that does not give a shit. And if I like something, it's based on logic and rational decision to like it; not because it's liked or disliked by a certain demographic of humans.

So...I am a square. I'm a square to the rednecks drinking Keystone because I don't like to gut dear and slaughter chickens. I'm a square to the posh people because I like some music from the radio and I buy my clothes at the mall.

Ultimately, your taste is your taste, individually. It's one of the only things you can truly own that will truly define who you are. Why let anyone else decide for you?????

Gold and Blue Butterfly Wings

Today I took my little soldier dog on a walk around the neighborhood in an attempt to wind us both down for the night. We strolled past perfectly manicured lawns and potted pansies, 2 story houses with earth colored siding and driveways filled with new cars. It seemed as if every other house once belonged to a friend or their parents, andthe sights brought back memories. I started to feel claustrophobic; not so much because of the memories as most of them were good and involved friends I still love dearly...but the houses, the trees, flashbacks of my past, the tight streets and barking dogs...we turned a corner and within a matter of seconds, the weather turned from warm, bright and sunny to windy and overcast.

The clouds were low and the sun was still setting, the mature trees were whipping around in the wind and the tulips looked like they were getting run through a washing machine.

Moody weather in Arizona and Utah is unlike most places I know; there is this amazing energy in the air that feels so heavy and intense. Like the Earth is very much alive and you are so small; the equivalent to the tulip rooted to the ground along the white picket fence.

At the end of the street is a small split in the fence and an open field on the other end. A large field with dark, green grass, followed by a deserted playground surrounded by cattle farms..the perfect place to let my dog off his leash and the perfect place to take my shoes off and feel the grass on my bare feet. I released Riley and sprinted across the field with bare feet, squishing the moist ground in my toes. It felt good to run and feel the wind and the grass and the humidity. To my right is Wasatch Front; it separates Utah from Colorado with the giant, rugged Rocky Mountain Range.

The whole experience caused a strange epiphany in me which seems almost unrelated to the silly sprint through the grass with my short-legged Scottish Terrier lagging behind (stopping to smell the flowers)...

When I was 18 and first dating my ex-husband, we were trying to get to know each other but between our work schedules, my school schedule and our distance, it was hard to find the time. One night I was sitting in his car outside my front yard and he told me that he didn't feel like he knew me well...he wanted to know, beyond music, food and activities, what "makes you tick"... for a long time I thought I knew the answer, plain and simple. But in 7 years, the answer has evolved a million times and I always think the new answer is the right one.

Today I realized that every single th

ing that "makes me tick" falls under the same category:

I like my freedom.

I want a million friends and a million things to do on a Friday night.

I want to see the world and leave no area un-charted.

I want to try every single kind of cuisine,

hear every kind of music,

talk to every walk of life,

understand every complicated and basic concept,

learn everything there is to know,

see everything there is to see,

meet everyone worth meeting.....

In other words, I want to experience life.

With that being said, freedom is my biggest passion. You could also translate freedom into independence; but however you define it, it boils down to the opportunity of experience, and I refuse to pass one up.

This high-maintenance requirement in my brain has existed since the day I recall cognitive thought. I have always been an explorer, a creator, an observator, an experimenter and a questioner...this lifestyle is complicated, as much as it can be simple.

It's going to take a particular time in my life before I'm willing to surrender to a committed relationship. Right now, the thought makes my throat close up and makes my heart sink. Like the idea of being tied to one person is...

...a fate equivalent to jail time. I have always been boy crazy because it's part of the adventurous spirit. Along the way I have met quite a few inspiring and amazing boys that have forever dented my brain with enlightenment....but to choose someone to share this life ADD; impulsive, spontaneous adventure that is Katie's life...I propose that it could be quite impossible. I know a few people that could hang; at least to an extent. Those people will forever remain in my life as cherished friends and highly respected and adored by me. However, it would be selfish for me to lead anyone into a committed situation with the thriving need for exploration that I have. No one can hang well enough, because my path must be walked alone.

A lot of people look at me and understand the intense craving for independence that I have and wonder why the hell I joined the military. I feel like the answer is simple; how is the military holding me back? I will be provided a new and fascinating experience, be serving a significant purpose, have job security, be traveling, meeting tons of new people, and be granted the amazing gift of education; if I choose to become a doctor, I CAN now. I have the funds available to do so. If I decide to be an attorney, I CAN!! If I decide to travel the world as a photo journalist, what the hell is going to stop me!? If anything, this new choice has liberated me more...I am a solo girl. I don't want a family. If anything, I want a dog. But now is not the time. I can't even commit to a pet right now. My home is simply a place to lay my head before starting a new and exciting journey.

I am nervous for the upcoming events. I am leaving in 3 weeks and it is breathtakingly intimidating. I still have a lot of work to do. But the idea of a new change is the motivating factor. I have strayed away from the norm many times in my life and left many friends and family members behind for new experiences. Thanks to modern technology, I will always be able to keep in touch with those I want to. There are some people I will easily forget and some I will think about constantly.

I can think of at least 7 friends (one doubling as my sister and one being my step-dad) that would willingly visit me anywhere in the world if I requested. So my life is not ending. It's just getting another reset button; and this one is significant.

This unemployment and time with my parents, old friends and new friends has been truly amazing a soul cleansing. I have loved every second I spend with my parents, talking, eating and laughing. And my friends, as usual, bring me a great deal of elation. It's all been revitalizing and is motivating me even more to do the things in life that I must do to keep making myself tick.

Music

I want a playlist on my blog but it's too ugly to put on my sidebar. And it's running low on options at the moment; like everything else in my life, it is a work in progress. But, nonetheless, now music will play.

The Best and Worst Things: Video Version

This is my eclectic list of shit that I love and things the world could totally do without....

This is my video version. So everything I mention has a corresponding Youtube video. And with that being said, I must admit; Youtube is my religion. I am addicted. I need an intervention.

The Best cartoon series on Youtube: Salad Fingers!!

I love this twisted little dude so much. He's a post-apocalypse survivor, all alone in the world and apparently suffers from multiple brain disorders. He is so cute and endearing in a nightmare-ish sort of way. When I'm feeling sad, I visit the ol' chap to see what his next adventure will be. I know I'm sick.

The worst video on You Tube: That Hand Thing

Eeeeewwww...Thank you, Drew, for scarring my brain permanently. And I have passed on this sickening parasite to many other people, because misery loves company and no one should suffer over this video alone. If you find some kind of insight in the depths of the nastiness, you're either reading too far into it, or you may belong in prison.

The best Politician: Ron Paul

Goodness, I love this man so, so much. He represents every piece of political perfection that an American could ever want. His logic is absolute and clear of agendas. His understanding of the Constitution is sound. He was a doctor, he understands economics and has served on an economic committee, and to top it all off, the man can SPEAK! He doesn't speak in rhythms like Obama or in vague gibberish like Bush. He speaks like a man that knows what the hell he's talking about. I long for the day that this man, or someone with identical views, runs our country correctly.

Worst Talk Show Host: Glenn Beck

He's the ultimate douche. Enough said.

Best song to dedicate to a clingy ex: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot, by Brand New

These guys are lyrical geniuses so even if you dislike emo, you have to appreciate their songs. But I like, like, like emo...I'm over the shame....I'll openly admit it now.

Worst song, worst lyrics, worst voice, most pitiful excuse for music in existence: Party at a Rich Dude's House, by Ke$ha

Ke$ha<---notice the $ replaced 'S'...Who let this bitch out of her cage!? I wish for her a bright future which includes a lobotomy.

Most Inspirational Individual: Eckhart Tolle

He is the most enlightened man alive. I strongly recommend 'New Earth'. He has a very Buddhist approach, but ultimately, he claims no religion. His ability to dissect emotions and events that happen to humans is truly remarkable.

Worst TV Show: Jersey Shore

Someone, please castrate the boys and cauterize the girl's ovaries immediately....because like...people...like...that are like...stupid, like, they are...like....I friggin....like..think they shouldn't friggin like....be able to like...bring...children into the like...world...

The best movie of all time: It's an epic tie! Full Metal Jacket and American Beauty

Full Metal Jacket:

This movie combines all of the best concepts a movie can have; War, comedy, philosophy, tragedy, guns, glory, guts, violence and irony....mmmmmm....I salivate at the thought.

American Beauty:

Casting is exceptional. The ongoing theme is consistent and profound. I wrote a paper for my philosophy class in college and was able to tie themes from 4 different philosophers into the plot of this story. And I got an 'A'...

This clip also has one of the best quotes of all time...epic...seriously.

Best way to waste 2 hours: Sharing Youtube videos on your blog! Seriously.